The late, great Peter Cook

Peter Cook

I'm currently reading 'Tragically I was an Only Twin - The Complete Peter Cook' and I feel I must share some of the scripts and monologues included in the book. I love it when a piece of writing manages to make me laugh out loud, forgetting my surroundings and just laughing out loud! Anyway, here is a snippet of one of his monologues titled 'Sitting on the Bench' (expect to see some more posts over the coming days and weeks)


Sitting On The Bench


Yes, I could have been a judge but I never had the Latin, never had the Latin for the judging. I just never had sufficient of it to get through the rigorous judging exams. They're noted for their rigour. People came staggering out saying 'My God, what a rigorous exam' - and so I became a miner instead. A coal miner. I managed to get through the mining exams - they're not very rigorous. The only ask one question. They say 'Who are you?', and I got 75% for that. 
Of course, it's quite interesting work, getting hold of lumps of coal all day. It's quite interesting, because the coal was made in a very unusual way. You see God blew all the trees down. He didn't say 'Let's have some coal,' as he could have done - he had all the right contacts. No, he got this great wind going you see, and blew down all the trees, then over a period of three million years he changed it into coal - gradually, over a period of three million years so it wasn't noticeable to the average passer by. It was all part of the scheme, but people at the time did not see it that way. People under the trees did not say 'Hurrah, coal in three million years.'
(the monologue continues, you'll have to buy the book if you want to read the rest.)


Peter Cook, the funniest man to have ever been alive. 
Glinka